Mountains Out Of Molehills
I have a serious issue and no one to ask. I love my boyfriend so much, and it has come to the point where he is going to ask me to marry him. But he wants me to get breast implants because that is what he likes.
He is a very successful man who can and does do anything for me. So because he does these things for me, he can't understand why I won't do this one simple thing for him. I told him I do not want to do it before he asks me to marry. What should I do?
Lorelei
Lorelei, the only time implants should be considered is when a woman wants them for herself. Before undergoing surgery she must decide if the risk is acceptable. In this case, you don't even accept the idea.
Your boyfriend may consider this a small thing to ask, but that only means he doesn't understand the gravity of the issue. Possible problems include scarring, lack of symmetry, improper position, hardening, lack of a natural look or feel, infection, pain, and the need for later corrective surgeries.
What if he doesn't like the final result? Will you be stuck with something you never wanted after he's gone from your life? Implants can affect breast feeding, lump detection, and your general health. If he considers surgery a small thing to ask of a potential fiancee, what else might he ask of you?
Ask yourself if this man wants you for the rest of his life, or are there things about him which are on the small side. Things which surgery will never correct.
Wayne
(From the column for the week of November 26, 2001)
An Unwelcome Addition
I have been living with what I thought was the man of my dreams. Lately we have spent time apart, and it has given me time to think about our relationship. He wants me to have breast implants, because he loves large breasts. I feel he doesn’t accept me for who I am.
We had a heated discussion about our future and wrote out our goals. His goals involve him, him, and more him. My goals involve us. Why do I feel getting out would be better for me in the long run?
Madeleine
Madeleine, do we need to go any further than this? His goals involve only himself. He is the one who loves large breasts. Let him pay for them, let him go under the knife, let him carry them around the rest of his life.
Breast augmentation is a serious undertaking. You don’t do this as a reaction to anyone else, or to satisfy anyone else. Why do you want out? Because you don’t want this.
Tamara
(From the column for the week of September 18, 2000)
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