The classic guide for men
recovering from sexual child abuse.
Mike Lew knows that most of the male survivors of childhood sex abuse have spent a lot of time trying to think their way out of their feelings. It doesn't work. Trauma doesn't yield to reason alone. Yet he absolutely believes recovery is possible because he has seen it happen so often with his clients.
A common estimate of the amount of male child sex abuse in the U.S. is one boy in 10. The vast majority of perpetrators of sexual abuse on boys, as well as girls, are heterosexual males. Most male survivors of
sexual
abuse don't begin to address
the aftereffects until their 30s, 40s, or 50s.
Male victims of sexual abuse suffer the loss of a normal, loving, nurturing
environment. They live in secrecy and isolation. They find survival strategies which help them get through childhood while handicapping them as adults. They find numbing patterns to protect themselves from the pain of abuse. They learn to pretend that nothing is amiss.
The abused child grows into an
adult who keeps secrets.
The key to recovery begins with what is usually a frightening thought for the one abused: breaking the silence. As Mike Lew says, "Secrecy is the cement that holds abuse firmly in place." It allows victimization to occur, and breaking it is a vital step in loosening what binds the abused.
From Victims No Longer
--" Recovery is the freedom to make choices in your life that aren't determined by the abuse."
--"Let's begin by refusing to use the term pedophile… The term pedophile is more than a poor word choice, however; a pseudo-medical term, it asks us to see such evil as arising from disease or illness, evil in its effect, perhaps, but no more intentional than other natural misfortunes like diabetes, say, or muscular dystrophy.
This makes the violation of children a part of the natural order and the perpetrator one who cannot help himself."
--"In place of the term pedophile, then, let me offer an alternative: pedoscele, from Latin "scelus," meaning "evil deed." Try it. Ped-o-skeel: one who does evil to children."
